|  | Conditions Treatments | ADD

Relationships & Adult Attention-Deficit Disorder

Adults with attention-deficit disorder (ADD) can exhibit symptoms like impulsivity, problems following through with tasks, money troubles, oversensitivity, mood swings, anxiety and even being distracted during sex. There is no question that ADD can have an adverse affect on any intimate relationship. Some of the most common complaints are that in a relationship with another adult who has ADD there is uneven division of labor, lack of sex, financial troubles and feelings of isolation. There are treatments and coping strategies that can help, however.

  1. Unequal Division of Labor

    • Often the partner who doesn't have ADD is left to do the grunt work--the dishes, cooking meals, the laundry, getting the kids to school, picking up around the house. She also might feel like a nag for constantly having to remind her partner of the family schedule or to finish housework. In return, the partner may feel he is being criticized or watched over like a child.

    Sex

    • Lack of sex or poor sex is common in ADD relationships. Often the ADD partner is simply too distracted to even think about sex, and it never occurs to her to even want sex. When sex is initiated, she might be thinking about 12 other things besides sex and not be fully present, making for a poor experience for both parties. Frequent mood swings and different libido schedules can also hurt: when one partner is in the mood and the other is not.

    Finances

    • Adults with ADD are notoriously poor money managers. Impulsive spending leads to debt and forgetting to pay the bills on time--or at all--leads to credit troubles and still more debt. The non-ADD partner in the relationship may find himself having to completely take over the family finances, making sure that bills are paid on time and managing bank accounts. He might even have to clean up the messes caused by his partner's poor habits.

    Distance and Isolation

    • Adults with ADD are often distant people. There is so much going on in their minds that they often seem a little spaced-out or as though they are holding back. This characteristic can lead to a lack of emotional intimacy in a relationship and feelings of isolation for the partner. A common complaint is that ADD adults are too caught up in their thoughts or activities to pay attention to their partners.

    Treatment and Coping Strategies

    • If he is not already, the ADD partner should seek treatment for his ADD, through medication, therapy or both. There are also some coping strategies couples can use to maintain a healthy relationship in spite of the strains caused by ADD. Communicate often and with kindness. Practice being present, in conversations, during sex and during personal time. Make time for each other when there are no distractions. This can be a mini-vacation or just a night at home with cell phones and laptops put away. Most importantly, remove all judgments from your relationship.

ADD - Related Articles