The Stages of the Grief Process

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' book "On Death and Dying" was the world's first introduction to the five stages of grief. Her theories spawned derivative works and today the names, number and characteristics of the stages of grief may differ depending on whom you ask or what resource you consult. However, it is important to remember that the grieving process is different for each person and the stages can vary depending on the individual and the type of loss.

Denial

• During the denial stage, you may react to the loss with disbelief. You may try to deny and refuse to acknowledge that the loss has occurred. This is an attempt to avoid the pain that is a result of the loss. You may also withdraw from others and refuse to talk about the loss.

Pain and Anger

• During the pain and anger stage, you may experience seemingly unbearable emotional pain and feelings of guilt and remorse about things you did not do with the loved one. You may feel out of control and find it difficult to function. This pain is often intermingled with instances of extreme anger. This anger may be directed at whomever you believe is the cause of the hurt. This can include the lost loved one, even though that person is no longer alive; friends and family; the world; or God if you have religious beliefs. You may even feel anger toward yourself and feel you could have done something to prevent the loss. Many times this anger is misplaced as there is nothing that could have been done to prevent the loss.

Bargaining

• During the bargaining stage, you may attempt to make deals with God, the universe or other higher powers. You may plead with the higher power to take the loss or pain away in exchange for another deed. Examples include promises to return to church or not to drink or smoke in exchange for the return of the loved one.

Depression

• You may also enter a stage of depression. This stage includes a period of sad reflection during which you will begin to truly realize the magnitude of the loss. You may isolate yourself from others and spend long periods recalling memories of the lost loved one. You may feel numb, angry and sad, and experience feelings of emptiness and despair. This stage may occur at a time when friends and loved ones believe you should have begun to recover from the loss.

Acceptance

• Acceptance is the stage where you acknowledge the loss and begin to rebuild your life. You realize that the loss is a reality that cannot be changed or undone. Your feelings of anger, sadness and mourning will slowly dissipate. You will begin to manage your life once again and focus on day-to-day tasks involving family and work. The acceptance stage does not mean you will return to complete happiness. You will continue to miss the lost loved one but will learn to move forward and live with the loss.