The Five Phases of Grief

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., is credited for the concept of grief stages. In her observation, the majority of the bereaved experienced five emotional phases when dealing with the passing of a loved one. While there are no words to entirely describe this life changing experience or a set amount of time that each individual has to accept the new loss, because of Kubler-Ross's concept scholars are able to understand the emotional patterns that people experience during bereavement.

Denial and Isolation

• The stage of denial is an instant emotional reaction and is the first phase shared universally by those grieving. Even when a family member dies after suffering from a life-threatening disease, close relatives can be heard saying, "I just can't believe it." Generally, denial is harder to overcome for someone who was in constant contact with the deceased as they are reminded of his absence during daily activities. For some, denial lasts for a short moment; for others, it can last for weeks.

  Isolation when grieving is not the same as someone experiencing loneliness; instead, it's a decision or natural inclination to be alone with the thoughts and realities of the circumstance.

Anger

• Regardless of the cause of death, in grieving there is the inevitable feeling of anger. Anger towards a person who might have caused the death, anger towards the doctor who was treating the loved one or anger the grieving person might have for himself. The anger brought on by grief is unique because of its underlying hope that blaming someone for the loss will help lessen the pain.

Bargaining

• Learning how to live after a loved one's death is part of the acceptance process.

  Bargaining is an emotionally-driven behavior brought on by the desire to experience one last moment with the deceased. The grieving person might bargain by praying. Bargaining can be a one time act or a behavior embraced for a period of time.

Depression

• The stage of depression is not experienced by everyone. People with strong religious beliefs and those who provided long-term medical care to the deceased often feel sadness without the onset of depression. Not experiencing depression while grieving does not mean that the grief is any less, but rather than people respond in their own way.

Acceptance

• Acceptance, although listed as the final stage of grieving, is not an act of finality. Acceptance is acknowledgment of the death and the understanding that the loved one is no longer present in the physical world. It's important to know that acceptance is usually a repeated process, with an ongoing need to re-accept the loved one's absence.