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Stages of Grieving in the Loss of a Loved One

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross pinpointed five common stages in the grieving process of terminally ill patients: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages not only apply to the terminally ill, but also to their loved ones and anyone facing a personal tragedy, including job loss and divorce. Most people, while grieving, will experience at least two of these stages, and they may not always progress in order.

  1. Denial

    • The first stage of the grieving process is denial. While in denial, the grieving person will try to deny the existence of trouble or attempt to deny its severity. For example, a person in denial over the loss of a loved one may say to himself, "This isn't happening." A terminally ill person in the same position may say, "Things will change. I can still recover." During this stage, the grieving person may seek isolation from social interaction.

    Anger

    • The second stage is anger. Denial fades and frustrations arise in its place. The person in grief may blame the world or fate, while resenting anyone in a more favorable situation. Consoling a person during this phase may prove difficult. Someone experiencing this stage may say, "This isn't fair! I don't deserve this!"

    Bargaining

    • The bargaining stage comes after anger. By now, the grieving person fully understands the situation but hopes to change it by bargaining with higher powers. Some hallmarks of this phase include attempts to negotiate for a postponing of death and promises to lead a better life. For example, during the bargaining stage, a person may say, "God, if you let my wife live longer, I will treat my family better."

    Depression

    • The depression stage follows bargaining. The person in grief realizes that death is certain. He becomes silent and seeks isolation. Internally, a numb or empty feeling replaces anger and sadness. A person experiencing this kind of depression should receive appropriate time and space to mourn.

    Acceptance

    • The final stage is acceptance. The grieving person reaches this phase when he finally acknowledges mortality and his inability to stop or delay the coming of death. Those who do not reach this stage may struggle with death until the end. During this ultimate phase, the person may say, "There's no use fighting it. I just need to be ready."

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