Detailed Stages of Grief

Grief is a complex and sometimes excruciating emotional response to loss. Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced five stages of grief in the 1960s, and some experts now include up to seven stages. The most important thing, says grief expert David Kessler, is to remember that the process is unique to you and your particular loss. Don't expect to experience the stages of grief in order or on someone else's timeline, but you probably will experience at least some of these stages.

Anticipation

• When you know you're going to sustain a loss, such as when someone you love is dying, you probably will experience what's called anticipatory grieving. In other words, you may start the grieving process before the loss occurs.

Denial

• When you suffer a profound loss, you may enter a state of mental suspension that could be called denial. Your mind simply refuses to allow the knowledge that this terrible event has occurred. You may feel numb or be in shock, which may help protect you from the most severe initial feelings of grief.

Anger

• Over time, as the numbness and denial begin to fade, you may start to feel intense anger at what has happened to you or even at the person you've lost. Some experts on the topic of grief add that, depending on the circumstances of your loss, you also may feel guilt during this stage.

Bargaining

• Before you've fully accepted your loss, you may find yourself bargaining with God or fate as a way to prevent or reduce your pain. You may feel stuck in "if only" and "what if" statements in an effort to restore your former life. This stage may be particularly painful if you blame yourself for any part of your loss.

Depression

• When bargaining doesn't work, the reality of your loss may set in. It's normal and natural to feel depressed about a deep loss. You also may feel a profound loneliness. These painful feelings are part of your healing process.

Acceptance

• Eventually, you'll come to accept your loss. This doesn't mean you'll feel good about it. Rather, it means that you've accepted the fact of it. This acceptance is the first step in the process of restoring hope in your future and moving ahead with your life.

  The process of grief commonly has no clear end, and feelings of grief may arise from time to time throughout your life. But eventually, says David Kessler, you'll be able to remember and honor what you lost without feeling the pain of the acute stages of grief.