6 Steps of Grieving

Grief is the pain that we experience from loss, often associated with the loss of a family member, friend or pet. Some people also grieve when faced with illness, especially terminal illness. Other reasons may include divorce, separation or a recent job loss. Whatever the reason for grief, it is an individual emotion and people handle their grief in several different ways as they go through several different stages.

Denial

• People tend to first cope with grief by denying that the loss has taken place. As a natural defense mechanism, they utilize methods such as withdrawing socially, or blocking out words they don't want to hear. This stage is sometimes described using words like "numbness" or "shock" and may last minutes or even weeks.

Anger

• As the fog lifts, reality sets in and denial wears off. Depending on the circumstances surrounding the loss, one becomes angry at himself, the deceased, the doctor who couldn't cure the disease, the disease itself or the company that terminated him. Reasons for anger can include loss of unrealized dreams or desertion by a loved one. Sorrow and withdrawal can accompany this stage.

Bargaining

• Hoping to change the course of what is inevitable, one may try to bargain during this time. An example could be a person who has a terminally ill spouse and tries to bargain with God by saying, "If you just let him live, I'll never get mad at anyone again and I'll go to church every Sunday." Regret can also be present during this stage. For example, in the case of an accidental death, the person grieving may ask, "What if we had just stayed home that day instead of driving to the store?"

Depression

• According to PsychCentral.com, two kinds of depression are associated with mourning. The first is a depression which is loss-related and deals with logical problems such as funeral expenses. One may also agonize that grief has kept them away from others who rely on them. The second kind of depression is a more private one in which the person prepares to say a final farewell to their loved one. Depression is a natural reaction to loss and can help the healing process.

Acceptance

• Acceptance comes when one accepts that denial, anger and bargaining aren't going to change the course of what has happened and learns to live with their loss. It is moving on, not to happiness but to a new reality without a loved one.

Reconstruction and the Upward Turn

• One starts to adjust to the way things are. Depression lessons and life become calmer. The person who experienced a loss begins to function better each day and reconstruct themselves and their lives without their dearly departed.