Guilt After Death of a Loved One

After the death of a loved one, survivors experience a range of emotions, including overwhelming grief, sadness and anger. Sometimes, survivors also feel guilty about their loved one's death, especially if the death was unexpected or accidental. Guilt is a common emotion during the grieving process, and there are effective strategies to cope with this emotion.

Causes

• After losing a loved one, survivors often focus on what they "could have" or "should have" done to prevent their loved one's death. According to Northern Illinois University, people often overestimate their ability to prevent a traumatic event from occurring. Feelings of guilt take over when a survivor wonders why she is alive and her loved one is gone.

Types

• There are three types of survivor guilt, according to the summer 2005 issue of MADDvocate, published by Mothers Against Drunk Driving. In the article "Survival Skills," Therese Rando, a clinical psychologist, explains that survivors can experience "general," "parental" and "with specific incident" guilt. If you've lost a loved one--regardless of age of cause--you will probably experience general guilt that the person is gone. Parents who lose children experience parental guilt, which is powerful because of the "unique challenges" associated with losing a child. Survivor guilt with specific incident occurs when the survivor experienced the same event--like a car accident--as someone who died.

Effects

• Guilt after the death of a loved one causes feelings of self-blame and self-doubt, according to Northern Illinois University. These emotions can trigger increased anxiety and suffering. Untreated survivor guilt can impact all areas of your life. It affects your productivity, ability to cope with your grief and ability to have a positive outlook on life.

Coping Strategies

• The Duke University Health System offers several strategies for coping with loss and dealing with guilt. Try writing down your feelings in a journal or writing a letter or poem to the loved one you who you lost. Build your support system and find a family member or friend to confide in. Finally, do not neglect your health as you cope with these feelings of guilt. Maintain good nutrition, exercise regularly and get an adequate night's sleep.

Finding Help

• Sometimes, coping with grief--and the guilt that goes along with it--requires help from trained professionals. If your feelings of guilt do not diminish over time and you become depressed, the Duke University Health System recommends contacting your doctor. There are many resources available to help you cope with your guilt, such as support groups, bereavement counselors and religious organizations. Although your feelings of guilt are normal, you can improve your outlook and overcome your guilt with the help of trained professionals.