How to Deal With Self-Pity

The world is so unfair. Everyone is out to get you. You work so hard but the boss doesn't appreciate you. Your friends don't really like you, just what you can do for them. Your significant other is selfish and unloving. Your children are too busy to spend time with you. Feeling sorry for yourself is comforting when no one else seems to care. You may need to host a pity party, but it doesn't have to go on forever.

Instructions

• 1

  Face your sadness. Of course everyone is entitled to feel grief and sorrow when the occasion deserves it -- death of a loved one, divorce, serious illness or other personal disaster. Such events even warrant self-pity when the grieving person feels that she is experiencing more disaster than anyone should have to bear. When the self-pity becomes the center of your existence, however, it is excessive.

• 2

  Figure out if you are doing something to bring on your personal disasters. Not appreciated at work? Speak with your colleagues or your boss to see if your behavior is turning others off. Your children are ignoring you? Perhaps your whining and complaining are driving them away. Use the discomfort of your self-pity to motivate you into turning your self-defeating behavior around.

• 3

  Back off from making demands. The world does not revolve around you, so stop waiting for others to meet your needs and try giving back to your world. Instead of imagining more slights and insults, use your imagination to picture a better, more fulfilling life. Find joy in physical exercise, hobbies, volunteering and other activities that take your mind off your sadness.

• 4

  Realize that others who are worse off than you manage to carry on cheerfully. Blaming others for your sad, empty life is giving them power over you. When you stop focusing on every wrong others do to you and concentrate instead on doing good things for others, your pity party may be over. Yes, the world may seem unfair, but it is no worse for you than for others. Start creating your own fairness.