How to Cope With Thoughts of Hopelessness

Sigmund Freud famously maintained that the aim of psychoanalysis is modest: the transformation of hysterical misery into common unhappiness. He knew that human beings who thrive through their attachments to others inevitably face loss and bereavement, as well as a panoply of other painful contingencies. Health may fail, a loved one may betray through infidelity, or a family business might collapse. But in the event of any such misfortune, the despair Freud referred to as "hysterical misery" can make a difficult situation seem impossible. Living well, Freud suggests, involves outfacing misfortunes and challenging feelings of hopelessness.

Instructions

• 1

  Cultivate the art of skepticism. From a psychoanalytic perspective, people "do" hopelessness rather than "have" it. Learning to challenge hopeless outlooks begins with doubting your darkest beliefs. Psychoanalyst Roy Schafer argues that emotions and beliefs are actively produced by one's inner decisions, emphases and omissions. He suggests, in line with psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn's theories, that a "bad" internalized authority can influence perception, selectively emphasizing bad and dangerous aspects of reality while ignoring what is good and life-enhancing. Start some healthy resistance to doom-laden expectations; if perfection seems improbable, so does unmitigated disaster.

• 2

  Counter negative perceptions with boldly positive alternatives. This doesn't mean denying the painful and darker side of life; it means refusing the rule of hopelessness as the only possible option. Metaphorically hiding beneath an emotional duvet spares a despairing person from the consequences of taking action, but it also blocks any chance of progress. Responding to entrenched thoughts such as "I can't" with counter-thoughts such as "If I can't completely remedy the situation, what can I do to make it a little better?" begins to tap into hidden resourcefulness and potential.

• 3

  Practice "positive self talk." People endlessly think about their performance, their achievements, and their prospects, often beyond conscious awareness. Psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn argues that these thoughts, or "self talk," rarely occur randomly: mental structures unconsciously orchestrate them, direct them and inform them. If the dominant mental structures in a person's mind derive from punitive or depressed parental figures, for example, or from impossible ideals, failure is the only possible outcome. But psychoanalysis shows that mental structures can undergo not only reform but revolution. List all achievable tasks, even if they amount to getting out of bed and taking a shower. Steadfastly refuse "I can't" with "I can do 'X'", even if "X" amounts to a making breakfast, walking to the shopping mall or cleaning the kitchen.

• 4

  Start small. The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu famously wrote, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Feelings of hopelessness will unerringly seek to bury every first step a person makes to break with despair. Psychoanalysts such as Herbert Rosenfeld and John Steiner argue that powerful and persistent emotional states like hopelessness get sustained by complex "pathological organizations" of the mind -- customary and repeated systems of belief that become deeply ingrained. Opposing the power of such pathological organizations means taking pride in small achievements and refusing the power of inner disparagement and mockery. The latter belong to the pathological organization -- stare them in the eye and outface them.

• 5

  Prevent despairing emotions from trashing small behavioral accomplishments. Feelings of hopelessness, especially those generated by pathological organizations of the personalty, act like political or religious fanatics, insisting that no alternatives to despair exist, and that all attempts to change are futile or pathetic. Alternatives do exist. If, for example, an internalized doom-monger declares a trip to the grocery store impossible, defy it -- even if the only purchase is a stick of butter or a roll of gum. Hopelessness diminishes each time it meets a successful challenge.