What Are the Seven Signs of Grieving?

Feelings of pain and sadness are common after the loss of a loved one or a circumstance. The emotional suffering known as grief can occur after a death, a relationship breakup, the loss of health, a pet's death, or the loss of a job, financial stability or a dream. Grief is a highly personal experience and proceeds differently for everyone; however, seven signs, or stages, are common to many people. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward healing.

Shock

• One of the first signs that can appear after a loss is shock. This stage is a period of numbness that people may experience when initially receiving the news. Some people find it difficult to cry or express emotion. Shock is a confusing stage, as people feel absolutely nothing when they expect to feel overwhelming grief.

Denial

• Feelings of numbness and denial are common.

  Denial is a stage in which the bereaved experience difficulty believing that the loss has occurred. Denying the truth, expecting the loved one to show up at usual times and putting off making decisions regarding the funeral arrangements or other life issues (changing insurance, car registrations, filing necessary paperwork for benefits, etc.) are markers of this phase.

Bargaining

• Bargaining is the futile attempt to make a deal with fate to gain more time with the lost one. Grievers make promises they can't keep, trying to negotiate a different outcome by offering to change their behavior. They may say things like, "Make this not happen, and I will change ____."

Guilt

• The bereaved may bargain for a different outcome and feel deep regret.

  The guilt phase is marked by feelings of regret over aspects of the relationship with the deceased. A bereaved person in this phase is preoccupied with thoughts of things he wishes he had done or said, but didn't, and he may feel that he neglected the loved one.

Anger

• In the anger phase, grievers become overwhelmed with the unfairness of their losses and experience feelings that vary from becoming peeved at benign events to experiencing outright rage. Grievers in this stage find themselves getting angry at unpredictable things and at unpredictable times. They may direct their anger at doctors, God, the decedents or family members.

Depression

• Loneliness, sadness and anger may occur.

  This stage is a period of sadness, in which feeling blue becomes a temporary norm and lethargy sets in. Despair, loneliness and hopelessness are common feelings. Nothing seems worthwhile in this stage, which is marked by crying, sleep issues and feelings of emotional instability.

Acceptance and Hope

• Finally, hope comes.

  Acceptance is the last stage and is the feeling that the grief has reached some resolution. The willingness and ability to go on with life emerge. Memories and love remain, but a feeling of healing begins to take shape. The bereaved begin to get on with their lives and look forward to their futures with hope.