How to Heal After a Death

Death is an inevitable occurrence in life, and loss of a loved one is especially traumatic. There are no specific guidelines to follow when recovering from loss, but there are steps you can take to ease the healing process and honor the memory of your loved one. How you choose to take care of yourself after the initial loss can affect all aspects of your mental, physical and spiritual self.

Instructions

• 1

  Let it out. Buried and bottled emotions only fester and erupt at a later date, often set off by small triggers. Cry when you feel like crying. Find a quiet place and scream. Write in a journal. Let your emotions out when they arrive, however you see fit.

• 2

  Talk. Resist the urge to escape into solitude. Your friends want to help; take them up on it. Confide in your close friends about anything you are feeling. Trust others to handle the little things, like dinners and chores. Talk about your loved one if you want to. Talking through the stages of grief often lead to enlightenment and eventual acceptance.

• 3

  Make tributes. Honor your loved one by celebrating instead of mourning birthdays and anniversaries. Do something special that you both would have loved. Take a walk in your favorite park. Eat dinner at a restaurant you both enjoyed. See a film with actors you both admired. If this is too difficult, go slow. Just a pleasant memory is a thoughtful way to honor your loved one.

• 4

  Slow down. It's okay for it to hurt. Don't deny the pain you are in or try to mask it just to appear brave. Don't compare your situation to others'. Each person has his own path to healing, and you cannot rush it. Take one day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. Let each day go when you go to bed. Eventually, the good days will outnumber the bad.

• 5

  Gain perspective. Put yourself in your loved one's place. Would she want you to be depressed? Would she want you to blame yourself? Grieve, but continue your life to honor her memory in positive ways. If your pain and feelings of hopelessness become unmanageable, contact a professional counselor at the United Way (1-800-233-HELP), or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline [phone]-TALK).