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Basics of Grief Counseling

Grief counseling can be critical for people who are dealing with loss. According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there are five stages of grief bereaved people must experience in order to cope with their loss. In her 1969 groundbreaking book "On Death and Dying," she lists the stages as denial, anger, bargaining with God, depression and acceptance. Grief counselors work with people through each stage, helping them understand that the process is necessary to heal from their loss. Although it can be painful, grief counselors help people realize that denying their feelings and suffering can be even more difficult.

  1. Validation

    • Validation is at the cornerstone of grief counseling. People experiencing profound grief want to know that what they are feeling is normal. Grief counselors try to help bereaved people understand that the way they are reacting to grief is completely normal and expected. They also help grieving individuals understand that people experience grief in different ways, and that there is no one right way. Each person will experience the five stages of grief in a unique way.

    Listening

    • Grief counselors must be excellent listeners. Bereaved people want someone to listen to them and validate their feelings. It's important for grief counselors to maintain eye contact throughout their conversations. As part of their listening skills, they should be aware of their body language. People in the throes of grief may be hypersensitive to the counselor's gestures and body movements. The counselor should take care to show that he is relaxed and interested. As they talk, grieving people may need to get it all out quickly or move slowly through their pain. The grief counselor needs to let the grieving person set the pace of the conversation. The counselor also has to be comfortable with silence. There may be times when the grieving person is overcome by emotion and unable to speak. An experienced counselor knows when to speak and when to remain silent.

    Getting on with Life

    • Bereaved people still have to function, and grief counselors also help them deal with the day-to-day tasks of life. Hospice counselors, for example, help family members both before and after the death of a loved one. They encourage people experiencing grief to take care of themselves physically as well as emotionally. Getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet and finding ways to get some exercise will aid grieving people as they work through their suffering. Grief counselors also assist people in finding other resources that may be needed to help them recover, such as a referral to a psychiatrist for temporary medication.

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