How to Talk to Your Spouse About Depression

Depressive disorders affect 18.8 million Americans over the age of 18, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. (See Reference 1) Fifteen percent of people with depressive disorders commit suicide. (See Reference 1) Consequently, it is important to confront your spouse if you believe he or she is suffering from depression.

Instructions

How To Talk To Your Depressed Spouse

• 1

  In order to talk to your spouse about depression you must first understand depression. Often, you will notice your spouse's depression before he or she does, and thus knowing the symptoms and course of the disorder will be beneficial. There are a few basic things to understand. First, depression is a serious condition and the risk of suicide is real. (See http://helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm) If your spouse is suggesting that he or she wants to die, you must take the thoughts seriously. Second, the symptoms of depression are not personal. (See http://helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm) Though it can be difficult, do not simply walk away if your spouse lashes out at you. Keep in mind that much of what he or she says is a result of the depression. (See http://helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm) Lastly, depression will not simply go away or heal on its own like a physical scar. (See http://helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm) You should not enable the disorder by ignoring it. Rather, confront the disorder using some of the methods discussed below.

• 2

  Listen to your spouse and be compassionate. Suggestions to "get over it" or "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" are counterproductive. (See Reference 3) The best thing to do is to simply ask about your spouse's feelings and see how you can help. (See Reference 3) Contrary to what some believe, talking about depression makes things better, not worse. (See Reference 3)

• 3

  Encourage your spouse to seek treatment. According to Dr. Emily Scott-Lowe, an expert on depression and marriage, only 33 percent of depressed people seek help, but of those who do, 80-90 percent improve significantly. (See Reference 2) By encouraging your spouse to seek treatment, you are not just benefiting him or her. A University of Colorado study of 774 married couples found that when one spouse suffers from depression, both partners become unhappy with the marriage. (See Reference 2) Moreover, be careful to explain to your spouse that seeking help does not suggest weakness, but rather it takes great strength and wisdom to seek help when needed. (See Reference 3)