About Grieving After Divorce

Divorce can be a very painful time, often marked by dramatic changes in life. There are physical shifts, such as housing and monetary issues, as well as tumultuous emotions at play. Hopes and dreams for the future may seem dashed. Grief is also a common companion in divorce. While some mourning is normal, how long should a person grieve? What steps are helpful to move from a place of pain to finding joy after a divorce?

Significance

• When going through a divorce, it's likely you've entered into new terrain. Old, trusted routines, schedules and responsibilities change. Even your relationships with others, such as in-laws and friends, may be altered. Previously clear plans for the future are suddenly ambiguous. Although divorce may seem overwhelming, remind yourself daily that you can move forward.

Features

• According to mental health professionals, one of the first steps to working through divorce is recognition of your emotions. It's OK to verbalize feelings of sadness, fear, anger or betrayal. Separation from a trusted relationship is a complex issue. Therefore, most people going through a divorce are not dealing with simple feelings of sadness, but changing combinations of emotions. You've had a significant loss. Allow yourself to feel and express a range of emotions.

Types

• Find various ways to release your pain and loss. Confide in friends or family. Draw strength from other positive relationships. Join a church or support group. Participate in hobbies that foster new relationships. If you have limited ability to share openly with others, consider finding a therapist or a counselor you feel comfortable sharing with. Most importantly, reveal your feelings to at least one trusted person. Working through pain is more difficult alone.

Considerations

• Don't regard grieving as a linear, straightforward path. Grief is a process. You will have good days and not-so-good days. Eventually, as you progress, more positive days will accumulate. Have realistic expectations about the grieving process. Do not feel guilty for being sad, depressed or upset. Understand these are normal steps in working through your pain.

Time Frame

• There's no easy answer for the amount of time required to emotionally heal. Grieving and healing are an individual experience. Each person's time frame and situation is unique. Try not to compare yourself to others' healing processes. Putting pressure on yourself by comparison is unfair to your own emotional mending. Be honest when you are still struggling.

Benefits

• Although initially painful, divorce can be a remarkable tool to discover new personal strengths. You may find that after being separated for a while, abilities and previously unrealized goals now can be accomplished as a single person. Perhaps you've put off going back to college or longed for a trip your spouse wouldn't take. Being single may afford you the opportunity to pursue your dreams in new ways. Allow yourself to develop a fresh identity and establish original goals.

Warning

• While grief is a normal part of divorce, suicidal thoughts or contemplating harming yourself or others are signs to seek help. Don't feel embarrassed if you need professional advice. Divorce elicits strong emotions that sometimes require assistance from a trained counselor to overcome.