The 5 Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist who was influential in the creation of the hospice movement, noticed that those experiencing grief commonly go through five stages. Grief is different for every person. Not every person experiences all these feelings, and the feelings do not always happen in the order Kubler-Ross delineated. Still, Kubler-Ross identified a common pattern in the grieving process.

Denial

• The emotional feelings that occur after a death are sometimes delayed. There is sometimes an emotional deadness and a denial that the loss ever occurred in the first place. Those experiencing denial often distance themselves from those who remind them of their loss, and they may become completely socially isolated. Denial can also begin before the loved one even passes away when the loved one develops a terminal illness.

Anger

• Anger can come in a variety of forms and can be acted out explosively or kept inward in a brooding fashion. The anger can sometimes be directed at the departed loved one, with the griever blaming the departed loved one for leaving. Anger might also be directed toward oneself, or the griever might blame someone else for the death of his loved one. There could also be general anger over the fact that the loss occurred in the first place.

Bargaining

• Some individuals start to feel that they are responsible for the death and feel survivor's guilt, wishing that they were taken in place of the departed loved one. Others feel that if they change a particular behavior, the departed can return to life. Not all individuals in this stage necessarily think consciously that they can bargain with death, but they tend to throw themselves into charitable work for complex emotional reasons.

Depression

• As a realization of the finality of the death hits the griever, depression is common. Depression is one of the most common emotions experienced after a loss and can create the usual effects of depression, including a loss of energy, numbness and negative thoughts. If the departed loved one committed suicide, depression and anger can lead the griever to want to follow the departed loved one. Depression can also lower the lifespan of the depressed, which commonly occurs with older married couples.

Acceptance

• Even though an individual might feel that he accepts the inevitability of death, the stage of acceptance can still be a difficult one to reach. During an acceptance, other stages of grief diminish. While some losses are impossible to completely get over, those who have reached the acceptance stage will feel that they can return to everyday life. The most important part of this stage is for those grieving to feel that they can still enjoy their lives.