Grief Counseling Strategies

Grief counseling is a form of therapy intended to help the bereaved have as healthy a grieving process as possible. Mental health professionals, ministers, social workers and others are trained to provide this service to persons suffering the loss of a loved one. However, there are no hard and set rules when it comes to human grief. The grieving process is an individual experience that is not bound by protocol. Therefore, it is vital that grief counseling strategies not be overbearing but be offered in a spirit of acceptance, calmness and compassion.

Counseling as a Learning Experience

• Approach the bereaved from a learner's perspective. Put aside the urge to be the teacher, and permit them the opportunity to teach you about their experience. Keep in mind that there should be no set expectations about how a person grieves. Offer your support by listening deeply, resisting the urge to instruct. This will validate the feelings of the bereaved.

Pay Attention to Body Language

• Use body language to further convey that you are listening to the bereaved. Make eye contact, keep arms and legs uncrossed, sit on the same level as the person who is speaking and keep your body turned toward her.

Use Verbal Cues

• Speak in a natural tone that is relaxed and unhurried. Do not interrupt, and resist the urge to change the topic. Don't try to fill gaps of silence with talk, as these moments permit the bereaved to further consider her feelings. Follow the cues of the person who is grieving.

Incorporate Open Questions

• Once the bereaved has had full opportunity to express his feelings, gently encourage more discussion by posing open-ended questions. These questions typically begin with "How" and "What." Avoid asking "Why" questions, as they could make the bereaved feel defensive. Examples of open questions include:
  "How do you feel about what happened?"
  "What bothers you the most?"

Reflect Feelings

• Reflect the feelings of the bereaved by gently restating what he has said about how he feels. For example, if a person says he can't understand why his loved one died suddenly, the counselor might respond with, "It sounds as if you are feeling confused about what happened," or "You must be feeling very confused right now." This acknowledges to the person that you are truly listening and have some understanding about the turmoil he is experiencing at that moment.