The Signs of Post-Breakup Syndrome

Post-breakup syndrome is not a real "syndrome" in a psychiatric sense. You will not find it in the DSM-IV - the standard manual of psychiatric diagnosis. Nonetheless, the intense emotions that one goes through after breaking up with a lover are real, and can profoundly effect your life. If you have just broken up with someone, it is important to be in touch with what you are feeling, but also maintain some perspective. Take yourself seriously, but not too seriously.

Features

• Depression and feelings of remorse are hallmarks of post-breakup syndrome. The sufferer will feel lonely, moody and generally unhappy. The depression is usually combined with obsessional thinking. Every song you hear on the radio may remind you of your ex, for example. You may also find yourself going over the relationship over and over again, trying to figure out what went wrong, in spite of the fact that it is already over.

Types

• People deal with the stress of breaking up in different way. Some people become very withdrawn for a period of time, while others attempt to immerse themselves in the company of others. Some withdraw from dating altogether for a time, while other people like to sleep around. Some blame their partner, while others blame themselves, or see the breakup as inevitable in retrospect. The depression and need to dwell on the experience are nearly universal, but the way people handle these feelings varies.

Stages of Grief

• One popular theory that applies to post-breakup syndrome, and other traumatic events, is that people have to go through five stages of grief before they get past something. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and can occur in different orders for different people. In denial, the person tries to shut out the experience, pretend it was no big deal or even deny it happened. Anger can involve behaviors like blaming the other person, writing nasty letters or being furious with yourself over the end of the relationship. Bargaining can actually involve trying to get the ex back, or it can be more abstract. For example, someone in the bargaining stage might think that if they change, the other person will want them again. Depression can be numbness or very active, vivid misery. Finally, in acceptance the sufferer learns to accept the breakup, and move on.

Considerations

• When you are going through any sort of traumatic event, it is important to keep things in perspective. It may feel like you are suffering more acutely than anyone has ever suffered before, that you can never love again and that your life is meaningless without your ex, but these are just feelings. In reality, you are going through something pretty much everyone goes through, and you will get over it, love again and live the rest of your life.

Warning

• In dealing with psychiatric illnesses, from minor depression to psychosis, the most important factor is how much the condition effects your life. If you find yourself dealing with a serious depression where you can't get out of bed, engaging in self-destructive behaviors, following the other person around or thinking seriously about killing yourself, things have gone too far, and you need help. Walk in to a hospital emergency room as soon as possible, and request a psychiatric evaluation. Or call a suicide hotline, and start from there.