How to Help an Alcoholic That Doesn't Want Help

Alcoholism is a serious and debilitating disease. The natural reaction for anyone close to an alcoholic is to help, but in many cases the person will be resistant and the offer can sometimes make the situation worse. By focusing less on trying to change the alcoholic and more on your own behavior and interactions with that person, you are likely to do the most good.

Instructions

Helping Yourself Helps the Alcoholic

• 1

  Avoid manipulating or threatening the alcoholic, as this will only cause him to withdraw further from contact. Let him know that help is available if and when he wants it. Understand that an alcoholic who does not want help cannot be forced, and will need to surrender on his own terms.

• 2

  Communicate with the alcoholic in a loving and supportive way, but resist enabling her. Do not loan or give her money; let her face the consequences of her drinking (i.e., jail time); and do not react to her drinking episodes, which can distract her from having to examine her own behavior.

• 3

  Practice detachment by not taking an alcoholic's outrageous behavior personally. Understand that the behavior is a symptom of his disease. Use detachment so you can sustain a relationship with the alcoholic while refraining from enabling him. Let him know that you are there even though he refuses help.

• 4

  Attend Al-Anon meetings so you can meet people in situations similar to yours and find advice and comfort. Sustain yourself so you can be patient and understanding of the alcoholic and her behavior while she refuses help.

Helping the Alcoholic Help Himself

• 5

  Stage a formal intervention to spur thought and conversation that might convince the alcoholic who does not want help to reach out and get the help they need.

• 6

  Gather close family and friends in a familiar and comfortable setting, to soften the brunt of confrontation.

• 7

  Clearly state the goal of the intervention for everyone involved. Schedule it at a treatment center if possible, so that the addict can quickly be admitted if he chooses to surrender.

• 8

  Anticipate all of the objections the alcoholic may have and rehearse ways to overcome them. Define the boundaries of acceptable behavior and decide the consequences if the alcoholic refuses to comply.

• 9

  Be consistent and firm, but let the alcoholic surrender on her own terms.