How to address borderline behavior

Living with an individual who has borderline personality disorder can challenge even the most patient parents. The key to a peaceful household depends on how well you understand how he or she ticks. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an individual with borderline personality disorder has an unstable sense of himself and his relationship with others. Real or imagined abandonment threaten him to the extent that he panics or becomes angry. Abandonment problems extend to a significant person in his life, disagreeing with him or her and asking more from than the person than he or she can handle.

Things You'll Need

• An understanding of borderline personality disorder.
• The book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

Show More

Instructions

Hold the person accountable

• 1

  Ignore temper tantrums to the extent possible. She acts out of desperation and becomes frightened when she spins out of control. Let her know that you understand her problem and can help as soon as she calms herself.

• 2

  Recognize her manipulation to get what she wants and call her on it. She doesn't want to see herself in a bad light so offer to help her back on track.

• 3

  Reinforce consideration of the needs of others. Though he knows others have needs, his always seem more urgent to him. Don't take the easy way out and always tend to his needs first just to avoid a fuss.

• 4

  Acknowledge that conflict exists everywhere

  Expect a backlash when he doesn't get his way. His frustration and fear lead him to do spiteful things to the perceived villain. Adhere strictly to a no violence rule and make it mandatory that he respect others' property.

• 5

  Demand he pay for any damage he incurs either monetarily or by making it up to the person whose property he violated.

Take control but not abuse

• 6

  Rule with a strong hand but always attack the behavior instead of him personally. He needs to know you love him unconditionally but point out the difference between love for him and disapproval of his actions.

• 7

  Remove her targets when she looks for someone to attack. Have the others leave the room and tell her you will talk with her civilly when she calms down. If she does not, remove yourself to demonstrate that you will not accept her abuse.

• 8

  Keep in mind that with a person who has borderline personality disorder imagined abandonment or rejection can make her hysterical. Still, you must re-enforce regularly that other people are valued and do not deserve abuse.

• 9

  Cut off communication with her until she willingly speaks with respect. This will make her temper flare but eventually she will get the idea that she can't abuse others.

  Ultimately she wants you in her corner, she just has to abide by your rules.