How to Get Your Wife Fat

Women of all ages are pressured into trying to attain the waifish norm glamorized by the media--but imagine the woman in your life sighing in relief when you tell her to forgo the dinner salad in favor of the potato skins. She'll be grateful. Women have billions of fat cells versus men's millions, so take advantage of Mother Nature's template. But remember: It isn't as simple as just eating; steps must be taken to ensure that she's a healthy kind of plump in 60 to 90 days, not a candidate for her first coronary.

Things You'll Need

• Calorie counter (book or electronic)
• Various cookbooks, preferably Italian cuisine and chocolate desserts

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Instructions

• 1

  Pull up the online basal metabolic rate calculator. Enter your wife's information. Take the results and add an extra 500 to 600 calories a day to her daily caloric intake. With careful planning, she'll gain 1 to 1 1/2 lbs. a week.

• 2

  Browse cookbooks for tasty recipes, paying close attention to the nutritional information. Keep saturated fats to a bare minimum, but keep calories high.

• 3

  Intentionally leave Lane Bryant catalogs in conspicuous places about 3 weeks into the plan. At this point the psychological component comes into play; make the appropriate comments to let her know you want her more than ever. Continue this strategy in the coming weeks.

• 4

  Alter the plan slightly when she's reaching your predetermined goal by suggesting you both "eat healthier." You want to avoid clinical obesity and the problems it creates.

• 5

  Keep up with maintenance of the plan once the desired goal is reached. The best way to ensure the new weight and size are maintained is to go shopping with her. This will cement the fact that you love her for who she is and don't want her to change.