Activities to Help Children Deal With Fears

A fearful child is an insecure child. The world can feel terrifying or simply a bit unsafe. Determining the causes of a child's fears can help you understand her, her needs and the way she may view the world. All people experience some form of anxiety, through projections and responses gained from observing others, hearing how others respond to various situations, or from having no direct experience with something which feels foreign to them. Fear can be a natural response to the unknown until further knowledge is acquired, so helping a child from a very young age will contribute to the reduction of fears.

Causes and Sources

• Fear of things, people, situations, weather, activities and imagined beings like monsters in closets can leave a child cowering and worried about what might happen to him. Parents can also be sources of fear, so be aware of your words and actions. Avoid anything that would make your child fear you --- threats, blame, power trips and guilt mongering do not contribute to healthy children. Some forms of moderate fear can actually be healthy for children to learn about their world, for example, fires, bees and wild animals. Teach your children about each of these; the knowledge can be empowering.

Closets and the Dark

• Many children seem to be afraid of the dark. There's no reason not to leave a night-light on to help your child feel safe. Give her a flashlight to sleep with. Play "tent" or "hideout" by getting under some blankets or an actual tent and imagine a world where the child is the hero or explorer. Use a flashlight in the tent by day, then try it at night, indoors. Go on a search in the child's room or house --- look under beds for interesting things, talk to the monsters under the bed or in the closet by saying the house is yours and no monsters are welcome. Naming the imagined monster a silly name or having the child help you "command" the monster to leave can be helpful, too.

Environments

• Danger is something that is taught and is relative to a parent's own experience. Show children positive aspects of the elements and world at large: dirt grows our food and flowers; pets have feelings; fire keeps us warm, and so forth. Then offer guidelines for interaction: don't eat dirt and plants or touch the cat softly. Avoid saying "No" constantly; explain instead. Learning to swim from an early age will considerably reduce fears of falling in or drowning. Take infants into a shower or sprinkler on hot summer days to teach water awareness. Teach the difference between toys and real objects like tools or ovens. Let him help you bake the cookies or use his pretend hammer to build things.

People

• Take a child to a new place and let her experience a variety of strangers. The mall, park, playground or athletic group will expose him to many forms of stimuli and will arouse questions you can address. If he shows fear of strangers in your home, or doesn't want to hug the relatives, never force him. Take your child to the doctor's office before an actual appointment --- pediatricians usually won't mind stopping for two minutes to be introduced in advance. Let him watch dad get a haircut a few times before taking him in for his own first cut. Watch for signs of bullying at school. Fear can be derived from teachers, religious leaders, policemen and others, too, so watch your child's reactions and listen well.

Concerns

• If a child's fears center around a particular event, item or person, ask for him to talk to you about specifics. Sometimes things will clear up soon after; however, ongoing phobias or signs of real terror about something could warrant the help of a child psychologist. Have your son paint or draw his bad dreams, the creature in the closet or the person whom he fears. Leave a wall to exhibit the artwork and make a ceremony of tearing up the "old fears" when a child has outgrown them. Always reassure him and listen carefully. Never blame, taunt or dismiss a fear. Your loving presence is the thing he needs most.