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Tips to Help Angry Children

Many children, and adults, confuse anger and aggression. Anger is a feeling of hostility caused by frustration. Aggression is the physical demonstration of that feeling. Feelings, including anger, are not good or bad, right or wrong. Children need a clear understanding it is natural and OK to have angry feelings. However, an aggressive response to these feelings is not OK. When you teach a child to cope with anger effectively, you provide that child with skills they will need throughout their life.

  1. Set Good Examples

    • Children learn many behaviors by example. They simply model what they see others doing, especially parents. If a child has a problem with anger and its expression, parents should first consider their own behavior. It is not enough to tell a child what they should or should not do. Actions speak far louder than words. When parents consistently manage their own anger appropriately, most children will follow suit.

    Be Understanding

    • Before you can guide children into managing their anger properly, you need to understand the child's perspective. Sometimes children need help identifying why they are angry. For example, a child may become angry and aggressive when she feels frustrated, lonely or anxious. Correctly identifying the root of the problem helps a child develop greater insight and the appropriate coping skills to deal with the problem.

    Include Children in the Process

    • Include children in developing their own anger management plan. Talk about the things that make them angry and how it makes them feel. Help them identify their own early warning signs, like frustration, impatience or loneliness. Together, you can look at several choices for how they might cope with their feelings and consider the pros and cons of each, then select the best choice.

    Look for the Good

    • Be on the lookout for good behavior. If the child is having a bad anger management day, you may need to remind them gently of the good choices the two of you previously discussed. Once you see the good behavior, reinforce it with generous praise. Let them know how much you appreciated their sharing a favorite toy or going to bed without arguing. Try to ignore some minor behavior slips in favor of highlighting the proper behaviors. When doing this, remember you are ignoring the negative behavior, not the child. The child still needs to understand the behavior is inappropriate.

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