How to Support Someone at the End of Life

End-of-life care used to be all about doctors making decisions and writing orders on a hospital chart. But today quality care involves returning as much control as possible to the patient. An article in the "Journal of the American Medical Association," ranked the issues most important to the terminally ill, and, not surprisingly, being surrounded by loved ones is near the top. By their presence, families and friends can provide significant physical, emotional and spiritual support.

Things You'll Need

• Vaporizer
• Alcohol-free lotion
• CD player and CDs
• Favorite books
• Oscillating fan
• Family photos

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Instructions

Physical Support

• 1

  Watch your loved one for signs that pain is getting worse. For many terminally ill patients, the fear of unrelenting pain is stronger than the fear of death itself. Don't be afraid to request increases in does of medication.

• 2

  Raise the end of the bed or turn the patient on his side to provide relief if breathing becomes difficult. When death is near, fluids may collect in the throat because weakened muscles are unable to clear them out.

• 3

  Check for signs of dehydration and skin irritation. Offer ice chips and lip balm. Gently massage an alcohol-free lotion into the skin to relieve dryness and provide the warmth of human contact. Change your loved one's position regularly to prevent bedsores.

• 4

  Help with feeding small portions of food, but remember that many terminally ill people have no appetite. Do not force food or liquids on someone who is resistant. Increased pain or choking might be the result.

Emotional Support

• 5

  Be an advocate. It is common for the terminally ill to fear dying alone and many are especially fearful of dying in a hospital. If your loved one has been at home or in hospice, do everything you can to prevent transfer to a hospital. Familiar surroundings provide the most comfort.

• 6

  Be a willing listener. Anxiety is common as people near death. They worry their pain will be too much to bear. They worry about how those they leave behind will get along. They worry about everyday tasks like walking the dog and paying the bills. Assure your loved one that everything is being taken care of. If anxiety is severe, talk to the doctor about prescribing medication.

• 7

  Provide a comforting atmosphere, keeping voices and lights low. Some people like to have a fan on in the room, as much for the hum as for the circulating air. Play CDs of your loved one's favorite music or read to her from a favorite book.

• 8

  Reminisce about happy times by going through the family photo albums together. Encourage friends to do the same, as long as your loved one can tolerate the activity.

• 9

  Stay nearby even when the going gets tough. Unfortunately, as the end gets closer, family and friends may visit less often. It is difficult to watch someone suffer and to face the reality that she will be gone soon. Remember how important your presence is.

Spiritual Support

• 10

  Schedule a visit from your loved one's spiritual adviser. Being right with God is close to the top on a dying person's list of concerns.

• 11

  Hold your loved one's hand and pray together. Read from religious texts or play CDs of favorite spiritual songs.

• 12

  Tell your loved one how important he is to you. Dying people want to know their lives had meaning. Even if the patient is unconscious, he still may be able to hear and understand your words.

• 13

  Look for ways to make your caregiver job easier. Create a free website through CaringBridge or a similar organization. Your posts will keep everyone updated on your loved one's condition, and friends and family will enjoy sending messages of support. Be willing to accept help. Care-giving is an exhausting job and the help of others will give you more time to stay at the bedside.