Phases of Grieving

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross pioneered studies on the grieving process and death, and wrote "On Death and Dying" in 1969. Her ground-breaking book first identified five phases of grieving. Although Dr. Kubler-Ross lists a sequence for the grieving phases, this was not meant to be a specific order but is typical of many grieving individuals. People may skip phases. These phases of grief can even include perceived loss, such as addiction recovery, the loss of a limb and post-traumatic stress disorder. Understanding these phases can better equip those who deal with grief, along with their family members and support system, as they go through the process.







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Shock

• Shock and denial act as a protective mechanism to help people become used to the idea of the loss. People in this phase wonder if they can make it through each day. Nature is allowing the grief-stricken person time to process until he grows stronger.

Resentment

• Grieving people often experience anger after they go through denial. By going through the process, healing will come. Anger almost always will include the bereaved's circle of family and friends. Anger covers deep pain and the grieving person may have difficulty accepting comfort at this stage. However, anger shows the person has moved past denial.

Regrets/Bargaining

• During this stage, the person attempts to make deals with God. He may question his own actions, or regret things he said or did to the deceased person. Guilt might contribute to the regret. He just wants life the way it used to be. Some people bargain with God or investigate alternative treatments.

Sadness

• Sadness and depression set in after bargaining. This stage seems unending, but it is not related to mental illness, just a typical response to loss. Part of this includes withdrawal, sadness and a struggle with focus on even the most basic tasks. Depression often has been called anger turned inward. Family members may feel helpless but should remember that this is the final phase prior to acceptance.

Acceptance

• Acceptance is facing the fact that the loved one is gone permanently and accepting this new reality. It does not mean that she feels it is all right that the person has died. However, she is beginning to reinvolve herself with former activities and may be pursuing new interests as well. This process can take longer for some than others, and the individual must be given time to work through the grief.