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Stages of Grief in Crisis Counseling

Grief is the emotional response to loss. This includes death of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of a limb, or divorce. Grief is the natural process of dealing with these losses. In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defined the stages of grief. These stages can help you understand the process and recognize whether you are making adequate progress through your grief. The process is not necessarily linear, however, and you may cycle through the various stages many times, while continuing to move closer to acceptance.

  1. Denial

    • In this first stage, the bereaved person is in shock. He isolates himself because he's unable to believe the fact of his loss. Despite the negative connotations of denial, it is a very important part of the process. Denial and isolation help slow the pace of grieving, until he can deal with an overwhelming situation and emotions.

    Anger

    • During the second stage, the bereaved feels a deep sense of anger. He may be angry at God, nature or the person who has died. The anger phase is the beginning of recognizing and accepting his emotions. If he can feel and accept his anger, he can continue through the grieving process.

    Bargaining

    • During a difficult time, someone who is bereaved will often try to bargain with nature, God or the universe. He might say something like, "If I give all my money to charity, maybe I will wake up and this will all be a dream." This is an attempt to control the situation, and often leads to guilt because he feels he could have done more.

    Depression

    • Once the bereaved realizes he has no control over the loss, he comes to terms with it and feels an overwhelming depression. This is a necessary part of the grieving process, and signals he is beginning to face the reality of his situation. This depression is a normal state. If the depression lasts for many months without any improvement, however, professional help is vital.

    Acceptance

    • Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process. Despite popular misconception, acceptance does not mean a person is "okay" with his loss or happy about it. Acceptance means he has come to terms with the reality of the loss and is learning to live his life in spite of it.

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