Definition of Mourning & Grieving

The loss of a loved one, whether human or pet, is a traumatic event. Each person reacts to this loss in a very individualized manner. Bereavement is a catch-all word for the process of mourning and grieving. Although these two words are often used interchangeably, they are two separate parts of the process of bereavement.

Mourning

• Interesting and noteworthy is the fact that there are circumstances where mourning may begin ahead of the death of a loved one. This could happen when it becomes obvious that an individual is at life's end stage. Mourning is the outward expression of the inner turmoil that churns when an individual becomes traumatized by a loss.

  This period of mourning is very symbolic and reflects the rituals of society, culture and faith. For instance, the one-day wake was commonplace in the western part of the United States years before the practice spread east of the Mississippi River. The wake is usually the start of outward mourning.

Signs and Symbols

• Wearing black clothing is one sign of a person who is mourning. In some cultures, hairstyles are part of the ritual of mourning as well. Other rituals might include the absence of entertainment. There are some cultures that frown on socializing. They encourage the participation in prayer services that honor and memorialize.

  The wake is traditionally considered the public face of mourning and its persona is usually based on family tradition. There are circumstances that determine the duration of a wake. Sometimes there is a two-day wake followed by funeral and burial. However, the one-day wake is most common. An hour-long wake frequently can precede funeral and burial services.

Grieving

• Loss triggers grief, which is a natural response. The loss of a loved one tends to cause the most intense grief. The level of this intense grief will vary with the intensity of the relationship. Grieving is a very emotional, individual and internal situation that brings an element of intrigue to teams of medical and psychological professionals who make attempts to unravel the mystery of various reactions to loss. As a result of these efforts, we now have the identification of the five most common stages of grief.

  It is important to note that the stages are not clearly defined. This is not a cookie-cutter process and one stage will not necessarily follow another. Stages might overlap or intermingle with each other. They might even mesh and alternate, but each stage does present its own characteristics somewhere in the grieving process.

Elements of Grief

• Grief is different for each person. It is as individual as the personality of the grief-stricken person. Grieving is unique and depends upon various factors, such as distinct personality traits and style of coping. Life experience that was coddling will result in a different style of grief than that of a person forced to fend for himself.

  Of course, the nature of the loss is another aspect to consider as is the commitment to your faith. Passing through all five stages of grief is vital to healing. The five stages must be completed before the process of healing begins. Following are the five stages of grief, as seen through the eyes of professional observers: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Five Stages of Grief

• Denial is the act of ignoring loss. This could bring on bouts of crying. It is identified by simple acts of inclusion, such as setting the extra dinner place or searching for the person in places that were special in their relationship.

  Anger is the "blame game" that affects some people. This is deeply rooted and displays as revenge or the desire to get even with the person who died.

  The grieving person might begin bargaining with God for return of the deceased. A clear head determines that you never bargain with the Lord. However, the head is not in control. Your heart is in control, thus resulting in begging, praying and wishing for the deceased to return.

  Depression is observed by watching the reclusive activities of a grieving person. The difficulties of escaping feelings such as frustration, self-pity or bitterness is multiplied by the finality of hopes, dreams and plans for the future. This could bring on lack of control, emotional numbness and even suicidal thoughts.

  Depression hits each of us at some time in our lives, but it can be overcome by acceptance. There is a significant difference between acceptance and resignation. Resignation represents a grin-and-bear-it martyr mentality. Acceptance is the reality of the departure of a loved one and it is not their fault. It is time for clinging to fond memories and turning goals toward your personal growth.

Conclusion

• Grief is a noun that names the process of emotion and transition after a loss. It is more intense when the loss is not expected or a close bond formed the relationship between the griever and the object of loss.

  Mourning is a verb that describes the outward expression of the grief. It is the rituals, signs and symbols that let those around you see the grief you are experiencing. One curious fact emerges from the comparison of these two words. It is possible to be grieving without ever actually mourning.