Steps to Grieve the Loss of a Baby

One of the most painful losses a person can experience is the death of a child. Losing a child can be acutely painful because of the fact that we don't expect children to die. Many parents feel it is unfair that their child's life ended prematurely. If you have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death, moving beyond your grief may feel impossible. However, with effort and time you can find joy in life again even though you will always remember the baby you lost.

Instructions

• 1

  Accept your emotions. Losing a baby can leave you feeling shocked, angry, jealous, sad and guilty. To grieve and heal from your loss, you need to express these emotions as they come up rather than ignoring them or numbing them with work, drugs or alcohol. Avoiding your pain will only interfere with the grieving process and leave you stuck in it longer.

• 2

  Find support to help you express and deal with your emotions. Share your feelings with your partner, family members and friends. Join a support group tailored to your specific loss, whether you experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. Speak with your religious leader if you need spiritual comfort or to understand how God could allow your baby to die.

• 3

  Locate a grief counselor to talk to if you feel overwhelmed by your feelings of loss or need more support than the people you know can provide. While intense feelings of sadness are normal after a baby's death, if your sadness persists for a long time, interferes with your normal activities, or leads to suicidal thoughts, you may benefit from treatment for depression. You may have an easier time working through your grief once your sadness is less overwhelming.

• 4

  Remember your baby. Create a memory box for saving reminders of your baby - your positive pregnancy test, photos, an outfit or stuffed animal you purchased, his hospital bracelet and sympathy cards people sent. Name your baby, even if you didn't know the gender yet, to give him an identity. Plant a tree. Buy a special piece of jewelry, such as earrings or a necklace with your baby's birthstone. Hold a memorial service so you can publicly acknowledge your baby's short life.

• 5

  Allow yourself to feel happy sometimes. Losing a baby is one of the most painful things a parent can experience, but as time passes, you will find that your pain will start to ease. You may be able to laugh, think about other things than your baby and find enjoyment in daily activities. Accept these moments of happiness and realize they are part of your grieving and healing process.