How to Counsel Children Who Have Suffered Grief

Seeing your child grieve is difficult, especially when you may have no idea where to start when it comes to helping him through it. How you talk about death and the associated feelings will depend entirely on his age. It's important that you handle this sensitive issue with care, while also reassuring him his feelings are normal and things will get better. You may not be able to take away the pain of grief for your child, but there are various ways you can help him cope.

Instructions

• 1

  Answer his questions honestly. Depending on his age and understanding, he may ask many questions. This can be difficult if you are grieving yourself, but answering his questions as truthfully as possible will help him process what has happened. Children three to five years of age struggle to cope with the idea that death is permanent, which leads to a lot of repetitive questioning. Avoid saying things like, "Grandpa fell asleep," since this may lead to confusion. Your child may have problems sleeping himself and worry that either he or another loved one will not wake up.

• 2

  Stick to her normal routine as much as possible. Children like structure and it becomes especially important when she's grieving. The death of a loved one can leave a child craving normalcy. Sticking to her usual routine such as school -- if she is ready -- bed time, playing with friends and other usual activities is essential to help her feel secure. With all the emotional upheaval going on, knowing that some things have not changed will give her comfort.

• 3

  Watch him when he is playing. Children of all ages tend to use toys or other forms of play as a way to communicate feelings they may not be ready or able to share with their family. Children are incredibly perceptive. He'll notice changes in your mood without you even realizing. As much as you want to protect him, he wants to do the same for you, which may prevent him from being entirely honest about how he feels. Expression through play is one outlet children use to process challenging or sad feelings.

• 4

  Take her to the funeral or memorial service if she wants to go. Before you let her attend, explain that she may see other people she loves upset and crying. Arrange for another family member she trusts to act as support if you feel you may be too upset to help her through the service. Do not avoid crying in front of her. Seeing others express their emotions will encourage her to share her feelings. Remind her that although you feel very sad, you're there to love and look after her.

• 5

  Understand that grief can affect a child's behavior in many different ways and prepare yourself for this. Children under the age of two will have no understanding of death, but the absence of the deceased can still influence their behavior. Young children may be clingy, fussy and show signs and symptoms of illness. An older child is likely to be fearful he'll lose other members of his family and show anger at the deceased for leaving him. Adolescents understand a lot more and are therefore able to process grief more effectively. Expect mood swings, angry outbursts and confusion.