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Stages of Recovering From the Death of a Loved One

The death of a loved one is never easy to process, and understanding the stages of grief and loss can aid in working your way to recovery. First defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying," these stages of grief do not always occur in order and sometimes intermingle with one another. They are, however, universal, and knowledge of them can prevent feelings of isolation.

  1. Denial

    • The first stage of grief, denial, is a result of the shock of losing a loved one. In this stage, you are not able to accept that your loved one is dead. You may be unable to say that your loved one is "gone," and you may feel that he is somehow still present. You may imagine conversations with your loved one. This normal phase of grief usually does not last very long.

    Anger

    • Anger results from the pain felt as a result of the death of a loved one. You may find yourself asking, "Why me?" or "Why him?" You may feel angry at the person who has died, or even at yourself. You may feel as if the entire universe is somehow rallied against you. You may search for someone to blame for the loss. Examples of people enjoying life may cause further pain and resentment.

    Bargaining

    • In this stage, you may find yourself trying to bargain with a higher power. For example, you may feel that if you change your behavior or engage in a certain activity, your loved one will be given back to you.

    Depression

    • In the midst of depression, life can seem pointless and without hope. You may find yourself disconnected from things, activities and people you once enjoyed. There may be a sensation of numbness, which sometimes gives way to grief and anger. This phase can sometimes lead to self-destructive behavior and even suicide; so if you find that you are completely overwhelmed, seek help from a family member, friend or doctor.

    Acceptance

    • Acceptance occurs when you finally realize that your loved one is gone, and that there is nothing you can do about it. You begin to learn how to live without that person, and you begin to see that there is hope and that life does have a point. Anger and grief begin to subside, emotions become easier to deal with, and healing truly begins. It is at this stage that recovery begins to be a reality.

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