How to Apply the Stages of Grief

Working through grief takes time. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross accomplished groundbreaking work through her research on grief, death and dying. In 1969, she authored the powerful book "On Death and Dying," in which she addressed five stages of grief. People work through the grief process in various stages and time frames; some may not sequence through the stages, but may go through the stages in a different order or skip some stages altogether. Grief does not only apply to death but to breakups, job or career loss, empty-nest syndrome and loss of any type. Applying the stages of grief helps people as they transition toward acceptance.

Instructions

• 1

  Recognize how denial affects the person suffering the loss, as this is the first stage of grief. The bereaved individual may not accept what has happened, whether he deals with the loss of a pet, retirement or divorce. Help him get through each day by supporting him as he works through this stage, which is usually short-lived.

• 2

  Prepare to face your friend's raw emotions. This is where her anger will come out and explode. She may blame anyone and everyone she knows, including you. She may also blame herself, God or another higher power. Let her vent, but do not permit her to become destructive. She may feel she could have done something to prevent the loss or, especially in the case of death, been a more involved presence in the person's life. Support her as she processes through this difficult stage.

• 3

  Listen for somewhat irrational thoughts that may take the form of a question, such as "What if he comes back?" or "What can I do for just one more chance?" For some types of grief, such as job loss or a relationship breakup, this could delay what might be inevitable. In a loss such as death, it's unrealistic but very common. Called bargaining, people may try to bargain with God or a higher power as well.

• 4

  Encourage your friend and use lots of patience. This stage, depression, can be the most challenging for sufferers and their friends and family members to endure. The bereaved feels empty, may wonder if life is worth it, and loses hope for the future. The reality of the loss has sunk in; things will not go back to the way they used to be prior to the loss. Watch to ensure he does not get stuck in this stage. He is not dealing with mental illness, but is processing through a loss. Draw him out if he tries to withdraw and be available to listen as he processes his thoughts. This is a necessary but difficult part of the stages of grief.

• 5

  Breathe a sigh of relief; you and your friend have made it to acceptance. Encourage your friend to find constructive ways to commemorate the loss, if it was a death. A scrapbook, honoring your loved one on special occasions by releasing balloons, sharing a memory of your loved one at family gatherings or even visiting the cemetery with other family members honor his memory and open healthy dialogue and discussion about him.