Complicated Grief Issues

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult challenges you will ever face. Everyone deals with this loss in a different way. However, some people take the loss even harder than others, resulting in complicated grief. The Mayo Clinic states, "In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the death and resuming your own life." Whether you are struggling with your own grief or you would like to help a loved one, you can identify common issues and what you can do to help.

Denial

• In her 1969 book "On Death and Dying" psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified the five stages of death. The first stage is denial. Although most people go through all the stages when dealing with their grief, individuals with complicated grief have an overwhelming sense of denial where they believe the person they loved is still living. It is also common for these individuals to look for their loved ones in familiar places and avoid things that remind them of the loss. To help get past this stage, it is important that you realize your loved one is gone and will not be returning. Pack up his clothes and change the room as a visual reminder to help you accept the reality.

Getting Over It

• If you have lost a child or spouse, the overwhelming sadness will likely extend over a long period of time. Meanwhile, well-intentioned friends and family will encourage you to "get over it." Realize that this is not a concept that has much clout to it as you will never get over the loss of a loved one, especially the loss of a child or spouse. According to the Center for Grief and Healing, there is no specific timeline on how long your grief will last. You may learn to live with the sadness and continued grief to lead a productive life, but do not think that you will ever forget the person in your life or stop feeling his absence.

Guilt

• One of the symptoms of complicated grief is an acute sense of guilt. You may be overwhelmed if you did not have a positive encounter the last time you saw your now-deceased parent or other family member. You replay the last conversation you had with him over and over in your mind and feel ashamed that you did not say "I love you" or you regret negative words you said. Realize that you cannot go back in time and that your loved one knew you loved her even if the last encounter was negative. Take this as a life lesson and say "I love you" more to the people who are currently in your life as you never know when their last day will pass.

Detachment from Life

• Another common issue of complicated grief is the inability or lack of desire to continue activities you previously enjoyed. You may avoid loved ones as they remind you of your loss. You may not be able to go about your daily routine as the grief weighs heavily upon you. However, you must strive to maintain human connections. Talk to a compassionate friend or loved one, seek counseling and join a support group.

Moving On Romantically

• While some widows take a very long time before they begin to date, other widows find solace in the comfort of another's presence in their life. Some family members may react negatively toward your new partner and feel he is attempting to take the place of a beloved family member. This issue tends to make a widow feel guilty or ashamed. Talk to your loved ones about how having a new person in your life does not take away the love and regard you have for your lost spouse. Also mention how your former spouse would want you to be happy and move on with your life in her absence.