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Stages of Grief After Losing a Child

When a child is born, new parents expect him to live a long, full and happy life. A parent should never have to bury her child but, tragically, some do. If you lose a child, understanding the stages of grief may help you mourn in a healthy way and learn how to cope.

  1. Disbelief

    • A child dying before his parents goes against nature; parents should pass before their children. Even in the case of a terminally ill child, many parents are not prepared for the eventuality of that child's death. Instead, they hold out hope that the child will get better and become shocked and numb when the child passes.

    Separation

    • Once a parent has realized her child is gone, she struggles to come to terms with what has happened. Many parents in this situation suffer severe separation anxiety or feelings of guilt for failing to save the child. During this phase, a parent may find herself blaming her spouse, child or other family member, which can cause grave damage to the family. Parents who struggle through this stage for long periods become frustrated and depressed as they realize they cannot change the past.

    Depression

    • Because of the strong bond between parent and child, it is normal for a surviving parent to experience profound sadness and despair, from which he may feel he will never recover. He may become withdrawn, have trouble concentrating at work, forget things or find it difficult to relate to other people. He may also suffer physical symptoms of depression, including extreme tiredness or sleeplessness, trouble eating, headaches, stomachaches and muscle aches. An article in The Journal of the American Medical Association reports that grieving people have more difficulty fighting illness. A grieving parent might also fear that something will happen to his other children.

    Acceptance

    • The stages of grief are a normal, healthy process. It may take months or years to accept the loss of a child. Even after a parent has accepted the death of her child and reclaimed her life, she may continue to feel sadness at times, and guilt as her depression diminishes. Once she has accepted the death, she is able to reorganize her life and focus again on work, family and other positives in her life.

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