How to Convince a Family to Care for Elderly Family Members

It's not easy being a member of the "sandwich" generation. This term refers to the generation who are caring for elderly family members, such as parents, as well as their own children. Often, these individuals have no time for themselves. Obligations to others leave them neglecting their own work, health, and leisure activities. They need other family members' assistance in caring for the elderly person. But conflict can arise when help is not forthcoming from these individuals. In order to avoid leaving one family member to bear the burden alone, there are ways to approach this issue thoughtfully.

Instructions

• 1

  Make it an expectation. Approach family members with the attitude that you expect them to help the elderly person, and ask for suggestions on how they can do that. Say something like, "This situation with Mom has been going on awhile. What can we do about the fact that she can't care for herself?"

• 2

  Explain that you can't "do it all" if family members try to shirk their responsibilities. List your other obligations and help them see that one person cannot handle the elderly family member alone.

• 3

  Hold a family meeting. Get everyone in the same room, preferably without the elderly member, as the conversation may upset him or her, to discuss what will be done. Discuss strategies with other family members, especially the ones on your side, about what to say to those who refuse to help. Say things such as "X, Y, and Z are doing their part - what can you do to help?"

• 4

  Set a deadline. Let other family members know the exact date that you expect them to start helping. Tell them what will occur if they do not provide the needed help by that time. You may have to look into nursing homes for your family member, for example. Follow through with the consequences if help does not arrive by the set date.

• 5

  Express gratitude for whatever help the family members say they can offer. This makes them more likely to help again, possibly providing more assistance than before.