Problems Associated With Elder Care

Grown children sometimes choose to fill the role of caregiver when an elderly parent becomes physically or mentally challenged. However, just as a parent put forth a prodigious amount of time, effort and money to care for children beginning their life's journey, the same is true when the tables are turned and the parent faces end-of-life issues. Whether one person decides to shoulder the responsibility or the family creates a network of caregivers, the process can be bumpy.

Housing

• The toughest call of all for a grown child to make is whether or not the elder parent can safely continue living alone in his house. Repeated falls, missed medication doses, and inattention to personal hygiene might make the case that it's time to relocate him into a full-care facility such as a nursing home. If the family is unable to provide assistance in a physical capacity, hiring aides to fill in the gaps throughout the day is an option, though the choice is made more difficult if the parent is dead set against it.

Financial

• From bill-paying to liquidating assets to finding ways to pay for the expense of professional care, handling the finances of a parent who can no longer do so can be a huge problem---especially if there is more than one sibling involved and each has different ideas about how to proceed. As with housing, the situation can be made even more difficult by a non-cooperative parent who is either unwilling or unable to face the new reality.

Transportation

• When an elderly parent can no longer drive or be trusted to take public transportation, daily errands, shopping and medical visits can create tremendous stress for the caregiver who might still have a full-time job or family of his own to attend. Sometimes there simply aren't enough hours in the day to logistically run two households. The situation is made worse if the elder's mental faculties have deteriorated to the point of not being able to understand why the child can't do everything.

Guilt

• Perhaps one of the most difficult problems associated with elder care is the guilt a grown child or family member feels over not being able to perform every little task that the failing parent needs. To realize that the primary obligation is to your current family is hard, especially when this obligation conflicts with the elder's wants and needs. Intense guilt can be a powerful, miserable experience. Professional counseling for the caregiver is an option. The unbiased opinion of a person not emotionally attached to the situation could breathe new life into what appeared to be an untenable situation.