Codependency Causes

Codependency is an emotional dependence on the moods, love, behavior and well-being of others. Codependents often did not receive emotional support in their family, so they rely on addictive behaviors to handle emotions. Codependency often goes hand-in-hand with other addictions, since the codependents will use both their relationships and their drug addictions to avoid feeling.

Feeling Avoidance

• Codependency is often a way to avoid feeling emotions by instead focusing on others. Codependents discover at some point that they do not have to focus on themselves if they spend a lot of time focusing on others. Codependency often occurs when an individual grows up in a family where there are rigid rules. Families that refuse to allow members to talk about their feelings, that do not encourage members to trust their own instincts, and that tell family members not to rock the boat will sometimes create individuals predisposed to codependent relationships.

Indirect Communication

• Direct communication about feelings serves as one antidote to codependent behaviors. Families that tend to create codependent relationships focus heavily on indirect communication, such as non-verbal communication or using messengers to send information back and forth.

Perfection

• Families that create codependents tend to focus heavily on perfection, or at least the appearance of perfection. Parents usually want their children to make them proud far beyond realistic expectations. These parents do not often ask children if they are interested in the activities that they promote.

Hypocritical Thinking

• Families that are hypocritical and encourage children to be completely selfless can produce codependents. Parents in these families often expect their children to conform to standards that the parents don't follow themselves. Children are not allowed to say "no" in these families.

Caution

• Codependent families tend to be very cautious and discourage their children to cause any controversy. As a result of this heavy caution, the codependents discourage thinking and behavior in themselves that might lead to problems. Children sometimes come to believe that they are responsible for the family's problems by causing small amounts of controversy.

Secrets

• Codependent families sometimes have secrets that the members are expected to hide. Because the family members fear these secrets being released, they often close down communication to avoid discussion of these secrets.

Conflict

• Codependent families generally avoid conflict. When conflict does occur, the conflict usually leads to members attacking or abandoning each other. Family members use threats, fear and guilt to control each other. In these families, members often try to control each other through pity. Control gives the members feelings of safety.

Isolation

• Codependent families tend to be isolated from the outside world, with no one entering into and no one leaving the family. As a result, the family members tend to become isolated from individuals who might notice that the family has a problem and might intervene.