How to Help an AA Alcoholic

People drink for a variety of reasons: to celebrate, to unwind, to ease nervousness, and to temporarily alleviate a bad mood. But for some, drinking is not part of a fun way to spend the weekend; it is an addiction. It was with these people in mind that programs like AA were developed. AA uses a twelve-step program to help people stop drinking and stay sober, but it is not easy. If you have a loved one who is involved in AA and you'd like to help them recover, there are a number of things you can do.

Things You'll Need

• Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book
• Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book

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Instructions

• 1

  Change your behavior first. You cannot change or control the behavior of an alcoholic. If you'd really like to help, you probably need to change the way you're interacting with your loved one. For example, you should never, ever allow someone who is still drinking or who you suspect of drinking to borrow money. It does not matter how little the amount is or what they need it for. Your answer needs to be "No!" with no explanation and no exception. Giving them money, for the electric bill or groceries or any other thing is part of a behavior pattern known as "enabling". They would not need your help if they had not been drinking.

• 2

  Let them deal with the natural consequences of their behavior. This idea ties into step one. You have to stop rescuing your loved one when they get into trouble because of their drinking. If they get in trouble, stay out of it. Stop making excuses for them and stop blaming the alcohol. The alcohol is not causing a problem, the alcoholic is. Any behavior that is unacceptable from a sober person is also unacceptable from an intoxicated person. It's a difficult experience; this is no excuse to be abusive or hateful. Be clear on what the boundaries are and what consequences will follow if they are crossed, but be ready to make good on your promise. You must follow through when the rules get broken, otherwise your relationship will remain unchanged and your loved one will not truly recover.

• 3

  Learn about the program. Get a copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions boo. Read through them to gain a better understanding of what the program is about and what steps your loved one will be undertaking.

• 4

  Be supportive. This is not the same as enabling. Where enabling may seem like helping, it actually stunts psychological growth. Supportive actions include driving a love one back and forth to meetings, encouraging them to call their sponsor if they seem to be struggling or helping them find a treatment facility if they'd like to join a residential program.

• 5

  Learn to be detached. Do not react to extreme mood swings or impressive temper tantrums. This is part of the disease that is alcoholism, not part of the person you love. Learning to separate the two can help you to ignore their actions. When it fails to evoke the predicted reaction, your loved one will have little choice but to try a different approach.

• 6

  Attend Al-Anon meetings in your area. This is a type of support group for the family members and friends of problem drinkers, whether they are sober now or not. It can be helpful to have people around you who understand what you are going through.