Signs of a Perfectionist

Striving for perfection can push you to great heights in everything from the arts to athletics to business, but perfectionism also has a dark side. Being a perfectionist can ruin relationships, paralyze you with fear and even lead to life-threatening disorders. There are several key signs that indicate a perfectionist personality.

Concern Over Mistakes

• Perfectionists can interpret any mistake as a failure and will often obsess over past mistakes. They may believe that a mistake will cause them to lose the respect of others and will often avoid situations in which they are likely to make a mistake. This can lead to avoiding new experiences in life and the workplace, since many perfectionists believe they must do everything right, or not at all. They may also become chronic procrastinators, afraid that following through with ideas or plans will lead to failure, and they may lie to cover up mistakes.

Impossible Expectations

• Perfectionists often believe, rightly or wrongly, that their parents have impossibly high expectations for them, and they often struggle to live up to these expectations when evaluating themselves. Experts believe perfectionists are made, not born. "Overly demanding and critical parents" are often to blame, says psychologist Randy O. Frost, a professor at Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts, who has studied perfectionism for decades. Perfectionists may obsessively seek approval from parents, peers and loved ones. Alternatively, they may be overly demanding of loved ones and peers, in the same way their parents are demanding of them.

Highly Competitive

• Many perfections are extremely competitive and cannot tolerate doing worse than others, whether at school, work or even in games or sports meant purely for pleasure. This can lead some perfectionists to avoid activities for fear that they might lose; or they may be "sore losers" who look for reasons why a person may have "unfairly" beat them. Perfectionists may also always need to be right in discussions or arguments with peers and loved ones, which can have a destructive impact on relationships and on the job.

Stressed Out

• Because perfectionists place such high demands on themselves and others, they often suffer from stress and anxiety disorders ranging from high blood pressure and ulcers to eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia. Obsessive self-evaluation can make perfectionists self-absorbed and closed off to friends and peers. In its extreme forms perfectionism, and the stress it causes, can lead to depression and even suicide.