How to Overcome a Fear of Talking to Girls

One of the best ways to manage fears about a specific situation involves conducting experiments and practicing exposure. Talking to people of the opposite sex creates anxiety for many people. Anxiety causes catastrophic thoughts such as "I will embarrass myself," which leads people to avoid the situation. Testing the validity of these thoughts requires exposure. Practicing exposure to talking with people of the opposite sex helps people recognize their ability to tolerate anxiety and challenge their imagined fears. Over time, anxiety decreases with frequent and repeated exposure exercises. When addressing shyness associated with talking with females, start with small steps and gradually increase exposure to more anxiety-provoking situations.

Instructions

• 1

  Imagine yourself talking to girls. Picture saying "hello" and then imagine successfully initiating further conversation with a female. If imagining this scenario causes feelings of anxiety, continuing imagining until the anxiety decreases.

• 2

  Begin real life exposure slowly. Start by saying "hi" to a female. Choose a co-worker, classmate or a stranger.

• 3

  Slowly increase exposure by saying "hi" to several females. Practice greeting random strangers. Utilize opportunities to practice while at stores, the bank, the post office or while walking down the street. Focus on practicing until the anxiety decreases.

• 4

  Ask a girl 1 question. Plan the question ahead of time. Ask for directions, the time or any other simple question. For example, ask a female store clerk what time the store closes or ask a waitress for an extra straw. Create opportunities to practice and focus on making eye contact while talking and listening.

• 5

  Practice offering a compliment to girls. Tell a waitress she delivered your food quickly. Tell a female you like her car. Tell a co-worker she had a clever idea. Create these opportunities in a variety of settings.

• 6

  Start a conversation with a girl. Say hello and practice introductions. Ask questions about herself such as what she enjoys doing, what type of work she does or where she goes to school. Continue the conversation and show interest in what she says by maintaining eye contact and asking follow-up questions.

• 7

  Create opportunities to practice these conversations daily. Practice talking, listening and asking questions repeatedly. Eventually, your anxiety will decrease and talking with girls will become easier.