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Steps to Overcome Fear of Confrontation

Confrontation can be frightening, especially if you are facing a confrontation with someone you care about or someone in a position of authority over you. However, if you avoid a confrontation that will only allow the problem to continue and progress until it gets worse. While you should not necessarily seek out confrontation in your daily life, you also should not avoid it completely. By approaching a confrontation with a cool head and a determined goal, you can come to an agreement with the other person and resolve your differences in almost every case.

  1. Diagnose and Treat the Fear

    • To conquer your fear, you must identify it. Think about the reason you avoid confrontation; what is it exactly that you fear? Perhaps you worry that the other person will yell at you, or that they will not want to be your friend any more. The next step is to consider what will happen if your fears come true. If the other person yells at you, you can leave the room or ask them to calm down so you can continue your conversation. If the other person wants to sever your friendship over one disagreement, then perhaps it was not a strong friendship to begin with. When you prepare for the possible outcomes of the confrontation, the confrontation itself becomes less frightening.

    Rehearse with a Partner

    • Ask a trusted friend or relative to rehearse a confrontational situation with you for you to practice what you will say. Try to remember to stay calm. Have your practice partner rehearse a variety of possible outcomes with you. This will help you focus on your goal when the confrontation occurs.

    Understand and Be Understood

    • Dale Carnegie once said that you should seek to understand, then to be understood, when facing a disagreement (see link in References). If you approach a confrontation with this in mind, you will try to find out the other person's point of view and then explain your point of view to that person. By showing the other person that you want to understand her ideas or feelings, you will project an attitude of respect and therefore most likely get respect in return. This can help to diffuse your fear of confrontation by turning it into a positive conversation instead of a heated argument.

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