Types of Controlling Behavior

Controlling behavior in itself cannot strictly be considered abusive, for many people engage in it for healthy reasons. For example, parents will tell a child they won't give her an allowance that week if she continues to pick on her sister, to teach them consequences. But when a person constantly ignores others' personal boundaries and makes unreasonable demands to get her own way, the behavior can be identified as abusive.

Withdrawal

• A husband who is irritated that his wife came home late from work refuses to talk to her until the next morning and ignores her as much as possible.

Anger

• A jealous girlfriend who is insecure in her relationship throws a fit every time she sees her boyfriend innocently talking to another girl in the hopes that her anger will keep him from socializing with other females.

Violence

• An older sister breaks her young sibling's prized china doll or punches her in the arm when the younger girl won't give into the demands of lending a sweater.

Belittling

• A mother criticizes her daughter's appearance in a skirt---"You look like a tramp in that"---instead of politely explaining to her that she has to change her outfit because it's not age-appropriate.

Demands

• A strict father demands that his 8-year-old son sit through his dinner without speaking unless spoken to.

Invasiveness

• Disrespect for personal boundaries is displayed with behaviors such as a mother reading her daughter's diary even though the girl has not given reason to be distrusted, or asking rude questions: "Why do you dress like such a slob?"