Characteristics of Children of Alcoholics

Alcoholism affects everyone in the family. Children growing up in an alcoholic environment learn coping strategies to deal the dysfunction in their homes. Those strategies manifest in various psychological and behavioral problems that can negatively impact the child of an alcoholic in later life.

Control

• Growing up in an alcoholic household provides no stability. This lack of certainty causes children of alcoholics to have an extreme need to control circumstances in his life into adulthood. In some cases this can mean trying to have absolute control over all aspects of life. In other cases it can mean engaging in excessive and unnecessary risk-taking fueled by an addiction to "being on the edge" according to Kenneth Sher, Ph.D.

Intimacy

• Children of alcoholics frequently learn to hide or repress emotions rather than express them. In their minds, expressing feelings can lead to unpredictable and negative consequences. As adults these children frequently express affection by trying to fix other people's problems or "rescue" them rather than act as a partner or become intimate with them.

Self Esteem

• Children of alcoholics frequently base their self-esteem and self-worth on the opinions of others. Many children of alcoholics struggle to be "good enough" to receive positive attention from their parent or parents and in many cases still don't get that positive attention. This can cause an extreme desire to be "perfect" and the feeling that they are never as good as they should be, placing undo importance on the opinions of others, their achievements and accomplishments.

Addiction

• Children of alcoholics are more prone to addiction, compulsion and self-destructive behavior. In addition to being more prone to alcoholism and drug abuse themselves, children of alcoholics frequently remain in abusive or unhealthy relationships out of a belief that these relationships are normal or are better than no relationship at all. Their issues with self-esteem in many cases make them inclined to believe that they deserve abuse or that the other person's negative opinions about them are valid.