ADHD & Communication Challenges

Children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) do not process information the way others do, and sometimes aren't able to process information at all. They find it difficult to pay attention or sit still for any significant period of time. They daydream a lot. They talk incessantly without listening to the responses of others. They lack normal social inhibitions and are constantly in motion. Communicating with ADHD sufferers can be a frustrating challenge, both for the person who has ADHD and for the person attempting to communicate with him. Recognizing the challenges, however, can alleviate at least some of the frustration.

Language

• In March 2000, researchers at Western Washington University proposed that ADHD is an impairment of neural pathways that regulate language as well as attention. An ADHD sufferer's problems with communication may include an inability to process language the same way others do. Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein writes in Psychology Today that spouses of ADHD sufferers sometimes solve this problem by writing out important agreements to make sure both parties are talking about the same thing. However, this should be done in the spirit of love and understanding, rather than in an accusatory or angry way.

Cover-Ups

• Because people with ADHD are impulsive and unfocused, they are likely to engage in "magical thinking" to cover up time they have been daydreaming or otherwise preoccupied when they were supposed to be working, studying or completing some other task. Out of shame, they may claim to be further along on the task or project than they actually are. Most people don't like being lied to, but the challenge when dealing with an ADHD sufferer is to understand that the lies are not malicious and are often fear- or shame-based. Effective communication in such instances involves verifying the ADHD sufferer's words with evidence and, if no such evidence exists, working with the sufferer to readjust deadlines so that they are realistic.

Rudeness

• ADHD-afflicted people often behave in ways that seem rude. They interrupt when others are talking. They shake their legs or tap their fingers as if impatient when someone else is trying to communicate. They may be easily frustrated or quick to anger if confronted about behavior they are ashamed of and can't control. To communicate effectively with an ADHD person, you may simply have to tolerate some behaviors that would be intolerable in normal circumstances, because fighting or arguing about the behaviors will only heighten the sufferer's anxiety and make communication worse.