Signs That Your Spouse Has a Gambling Problem

For many people, gambling is a fun diversion and a social outlet. For others, however, it can develop into a serious problem or crippling addiction. According to the National Council on Problem Gambling, roughly 2 million U.S. adults, or 1 percent of the population, gamble compulsively. There are many signs to watch for if you believe your spouse fits into this statistic, and help for you and your family is readily available.

Signs of a Problem

• Be wary if your spouse becomes secretive about his finances, reacts defensively to questions regarding his gambling or appears desperate to find additional ways to fuel his habit. You may find that he has pawned jewels, decimated your savings or raided children's college funds or retirement accounts. Take note if friends or other family members express concern about his gambling; they might pick up on problems before you if they accompany him on gambling outings.

Effects

• It's common to feel alone, afraid, ashamed and desperate if you notice signs of problem gambling in your spouse. You may feel as though no one understands what you are going through, and you could be tempted to hide the damage by working extra hours to make up her losses or even give her cash "one last time" to keep the peace. In time, a spouse of a gambling addict may act as more of a parent to a wayward child than a lifelong partner or equal.

Insight from Survivors

• Your spouse's gambling problem is not your fault and, therefore, not your responsibility. Accept that you are powerless over his gambling, and let him experience the natural consequences, such as a job loss or increasing debt, from his compulsion to gamble. Many people feel tremendous relief when they free themselves from the burden of explaining, hiding and managing the consequences of their loved one's actions. Encourage your spouse to seek help, but don't push or nag if he is unreceptive to changing his behavior.

Practical Considerations

• Take steps to protect your assets if your spouse shows signs of problem gambling. Assume control of your family finances to protect your savings and credit and practice how you will respond if your spouse asks for cash. For additional suggestions and emotional support, contact Gam-Anon, a support group for friends and family members of problem gamblers. Don't attempt to handle everything yourself; this is likely to leave you feeling isolated and overwhelmed.

Misconceptions

• It may be tempting to pass judgment on your spouse, labeling her undisciplined, irresponsible or weak-willed if her gambling spirals out of control. Gambling is, however, an emotional disorder rather than a character flaw. Some may blame casinos and lotteries for their spouse's behavior, but the roots of compulsive gambling stem more from genetic factors, social upbringing, moral attitudes about gambling and coping strategies for managing stress. If your spouse shows signs of problem gambling, take steps to protect your emotional and financial health.