How to Come to Terms With The Death of a Loved One

At some point we all must come to terms with the loss of a loved one. Whether it is a parent, a child, a pet or a friend, we all grieve differently but there are some commonalities and some practical tips to getting through grieving.

Things You'll Need

• Time
• Support
• Possibly Therapy

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Instructions

• 1

  The famous Swiss/American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first documented the known stages of how someone accepts their own dying in her famed book "On Death and Dying". There she discussed DABDA. The acronym stands for the stages a terminally ill patient goes through before coming to terms with the fact they are dying. The steps are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. Just as a person who is dying goes through these steps, so too do those left behind more often than not.

• 2

  The first step to grieving a loss is putting it in perspective. Some deaths, for example the death of a child, are much more difficult to deal with than are other deaths, like the death of a parent. That said, everyone reacts differently and has different coping skills. Those who are religious often accept death more easily than those who are atheist. This is obviously due to the fact that many religious people truly hold on to the hope and thought that they will once again be reunited with a loved one in an after-life. Likewise, some people are very pragmatic and unemotional and can simply go on. We often do not know how we are going to react until it happens to us.

  The first thing most people should expect is the denial. You will more often than not be in shock unless it was a long-term illness and expected. The denial often causes awful dreams where you wake up crying believing what you know was a dream and realizing it is in fact real. Allow yourself this time. Crying releases pain.

  Anger is the next step that often follows with the question, "WHY ME?". This is something that is also normal and you need to realize it is NOT only you, we will all lose someone at sometime. If you feel isolated join a support group at this juncture, especially true of those who lose a loved one to violence or a child for example.

  Bargaining is common and usually comes in the form of stating; "If only I had a few more minutes or a little more time to say...or do...." Again, be comforted that you did all you could. Even if someone dies when you were not getting along, have faith you are forgiven and if you feel that badly, seek therapy.

  Depression is the most normal reaction and lasts longest. This is a mourning period and a time you should be surrounded by support be it friends, family, religion or therapy. You need to go through this to come to the final point of acceptance. This is the hardest and longest stage.

• 3

  In any death you will have questions and anger and sadness. Gauge your reaction. Ask your friends and family to be there for you and be there for them if they too lost someone. Do not expect or be angry if someone else close to the one you lost gets over it sooner than you, we all have our own grieving process.

  If you are depressed for a prolonged period of time it is always recommended that you should seek professional help or the help of a religious counsellor. Just talking about it often helps.

  If you suffer a loss that was due to violence or an unexpected loss of a child you should definitely seek a support group. These losses are particularly hard to get over and take a long time. Making meaning out of your loss, like the father of Adam Walsh or Natalee Holloway's Mother or Polly Klaas' father often gives meaning and remembrance to your loved one's death.

  No matter what your loss, remember that it is individual and will be a while until you can get on with your life but time will make it slightly better even if there is forever a hole. Grieving is not easy, but it is a natural part of life.