How to Be Assertive When Confronted

No one likes to be confronted, especially when the confrontation is sarcastic, venomous or unjustified. Command respect from others when confronted by being assertive, whether or not the confrontation is appropriate. Being assertive means directly facing the person who is confronting you, asking direct questions and challenging them when appropriate. Assertiveness builds self-esteem and garners the respect of others.

Instructions

• 1

  Encourage the person confronting you to give you as much detailed information as possible about their motivations. Often confrontation comes from a place of emotional pain and is more about the other person's issues than what you have done. Use clarifying statements even if the other person is being resentful. Encourage open communication with statements such as "I can see that you are angry but I need some more information. Can you give me some details?"

• 2

  Set limits on inappropriate behavior as soon as it occurs. If the person becomes emotionally abusive you should let them know that you will not tolerate this behavior. You can say something like: "That type of language is not constructive. Let's stick with the facts to keep the conversation moving in a positive direction."

• 3

  Praise the confrontational person if he modifies his behavior in any way to become more positive. People are very responsive to praise even if they are angry with you. Share how appreciative you are that they are being more positive and praise their courage. You can say something like: "I can see how difficult this is for you, but I've got to tell you how much I admire you for taking the time to explain to me how you feel."

• 4

  Become a broken record. Like a record that is stuck, keep repeating in a matter-of-fact way what you are saying until it is apparent the other party is listening to you. Sometimes angry people shut down and do not listen to what the other person says. By assertively using the broken-record technique you can break through their defensiveness, steering the confrontation in a positive direction.

• 5

  Employ non-verbal signals in an assertive fashion. You can send signals to the other person that you are not afraid of him by turning slightly away when he becomes negative and moving to face him directly when he calms down. Folding your arms is another non-verbal signal which indicates that you disagree with the other person, and a smile will signify that you agree.

• 6

  Communicate slowly and clearly. A calm, clear voice communicates assertiveness. Be bold and tell the other person explicitly what you want or need from her. Look her in the eyes and be honest, admitting when you are wrong but challenging her when you are correct.