How to Lose Your Anger

Everyone gets angry. Anger is a natural and potentially healthy emotion which allows us to express legitimate feelings. Holding in these emotions can be harmful both physically and psychologically. However, if your anger becomes uncontrollable, then it is time to work on managing this emotion. Unchecked, excessive anger can damage your personal and professional relationships.

Instructions

• 1

  Remove yourself from the situation, conversation, or environment which is provoking you. You cannot say or do something you will regret if you are not present. The American Psychological Association recommends focusing on taking deep breaths from your diaphragm to help you relax after you walk away. You should then slowly recite calming words or phrases like "calm down" or "relax" while you continue to breathe deeply.

• 2

  Train yourself to think differently. People who have outbursts of excessive anger tend to act and speak very impulsively. Allowing yourself to think in extreme terms of "never" or "always" or taking things personally can cause you to experience undue amounts of stress and rage. You can learn to be more logical in your thinking, thereby diffusing some of the fuel behind your anger. For example, if you are a person who experiences road rage, it is likely that you have a tendency to view rude drivers as being out to get you personally when in reality a rude driver is by definition going to be rude, and their behavior has nothing to do with you. It is natural, of course, to be irritated and annoyed, but by using reasoning and logic you can begin to accept that this will happen from time to time, that it does not "always" happen when you drive, and that a driver cutting you off is not a personal attack.

• 3

  Express anger at a later time when tensions are not as high. The goal in anger management is not to completely eliminate anger, or to pretend that everything is always fine. The goal is to learn how to express anger in healthy ways. Come back to the person at a later date and calmly express your feelings while avoiding accusatory and confrontational language. The wrong approach can make others defensive or resentful. Work on how you phrase the things you say. For example, rather than telling a study partner, "You never help me with any of our assignments," try saying something which still expresses your position but that avoids sounding like an attack. Instead, try "I'm feeling frustrated because it seems like the workload is not being evenly divided."

• 4

  Seek professional help. If you sense that your anger is out of control and excessive, you can find the help you need. Start by reading books and websites devoted to helping with anger. Enlist the help of a licensed counselor or psychologist. Your primary care physician or health insurance provider can refer you to therapists who specialize in anger management.