Qualities of Passive Aggressive Behavior

In an ideal world, the people in our lives would openly, confidently and politely assert their needs. Unfortunately some people have more covert ways of expressing their preferences.Although you won't find it in the mental health diagnostic manual, passive aggressive behavior can be identified by the signs.

Resistance

• Is it the third time this week you've asked your roommate to return your green sweater? If a person in your life is reluctant to complete a basic task or meet a simple obligation, there may be a psychological reason. On some level, your roommate may feel entitled to keep the sweater because she's mad at you for not doing the dishes all week. Wouldn't it be easier to just bring up the matter of the dishes with you? Yes, but that would involve a degree of conflict, which the passive aggressive person hopes to avoid.

Procrastination

• Because passive aggressive people don't have a healthy, assertive strategy for saying no, they often over-commit themselves, or agree to tasks they really don't want to take on. An example is someone who has agreed to donate books to a charity sale, yet continues to put it off until it's too late. It creates chaos, but the procrastinator doesn't care, because ultimately they did not want to fulfill their commitment in the first place. In a case like this, the person is unlikely to be aware that they're behaving passive agressively.

Inefficiency

• You ask Mary to take on the marketing plan for X Company. Mary, thinking of herself as a conscientious employee, agrees to the task. She's already bogged down with creating marketing plans for Y and Z companies, however, and somehow she keeps missing the project deadlines for X Company. There may be something other than lack of time management skills to blame. The reason may be that because she resents being asked to take on X Company in addition to her regular workload, she's subconsciously finding time wasting strategies whenever called to work on X Company.

Hostility

• It can be difficult to have a conversation with a person who is being passive aggressive. Your sincere request may be met with a sarcastic quip or a reluctant "sure, whatever you want." Rather than say no, this person will pretend to go along, all the while seething underneath. They won't lash out; it's "passive" aggressive after all, but you will sense unmistakable hostility lurking near the surface.