How to Break the Cycle of Codependency

Codependent behavior is a relationship pattern characterized by an inability to establish healthy boundaries and an excessive need to please or control others. This behavior is learned in childhood and often found in families in which one of the members is an alcoholic. Overcoming the cycle of codependency is challenging, but possible, through methods such as therapy, support groups and increased self-awareness.

Instructions

Identify the Signs of Codependency

• 1

  A regular pattern of participating in relationships that are one-sided -- all give and no take -- is one clue that you may be a codependent. If you find yourself trying to hold onto a relationship at all costs, even if you suspect it's unhealthy, this is another sign. People who are codependent often do more than their share in order to feel loved or play the hero.

• 2

  Uncover the source of the pattern. In order to move on from codependent behaviors, it's helpful to first identify where the pattern started. As a child did you play the role of the dutiful daughter, helping an alcoholic father hide his empty liquor bottles? Codependents often, but not always, grow up in families in which one of the parents has substance issues. However, a person with codependency issues may also have been negatively influenced by a family member with a mental illness.

• 3

  Seek support. A mental health professional can help you heal from unhealthy behavior patterns. There are also local chapters of codependent support groups that are modeled after the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program. The books of Melody Beattie including "Co Dependent No More" are frequently recommended reading for people with codependency issues.

• 4

  Withdraw from codependent relationships. Releasing familiar ways of being in relationships can be scary. As a former codependent begins to assert herself, a backlash from others is likely. For this reason, in addition to therapy and support groups, assertiveness training can be beneficial for helping you stand your ground and break the cycle of codependency.