Behavioral Indications of Verbal Abuse

Although every relationship has its share of unkind remarks, verbal abuse is characterized by a pattern in which the abuser frequently yells or screams at, name-calls, belittles, threatens, mocks or humiliates the victim. If the verbal abuse is persistent and intense, the victim's emotional patterns become atypical and unhealthy and he'll develop characteristic and identifiable ways of thinking and behaving.

Unable to Accept Compliments

• If offered a compliment, verbally abused people often refuse to accept it. They may seem embarrassed and say nothing, shake their head, defer the compliment by changing the topic or say that the compliment is untrue.

Unable to Express Wants

• People in verbally abusive relationships aren't safely able to express what they need or want. Over time, this may lead them to expect others to know what they want. For example, an emotionally abused child may not express an opinion about what she wants for Christmas. However, if she doesn't receive what she actually wanted, she may become upset or sad without being able to explain why.

Self-Depreciation

• Verbally abused people frequently call themselves names or downplay their abilities because it's consistent with what they've been told by their abuser.

Lie For No Reason

• In emotionally abusive relationships, the victim rarely feels safe. She may have to lie frequently in order to avoid a verbal assault or cover up her problems. This can lead her to lie in other situations in which she feels threatened, even though lying may not be necessary.

Seek Approval

• Verbally abused people are extremely sensitive to criticism and go to any lengths to gain approval. This can lead them to do things they don't want to do in order to please those around them.

Judge Themselves

• Verbal abuse can lead people to be extremely critical of themselves. This can cause them to seem like a perfectionist, although they are likely to be a lot more forgiving of other people than they are of themselves.