Stages of Denial

A number of psychologists have proposed theories regarding the stages of denial. The most commonly accepted, however, is the Kubler-Ross model, which suggests that when faced with a loss or traumatic event, people go through five specific stages before reaching acceptance. While this model is typically referred to as the five stages of grief, it has also been called the stages of denial.

Denial

• Immediately after a serious loss or trauma, people cannot comprehend what has happened. As a result, they may respond with extreme disbelief or denial. In the denial stage, people are typically unable to feel grief and may not even admit that something negative has occurred. For example, someone just diagnosed with cancer may refuse to believe that the doctor is correct. If you've just lost a loved one, you may be unable to comprehend that you'll never see that person again.

Anger

• As soon as the reality of the event starts to sink in, you are likely to feel anger. You may have a "why me?" attitude and be angry at life in general. You may also find someone else to blame and direct your anger toward them. For example, you may blame the doctor for being unable to cure your spouse's illness.

Bargaining

• Even after the anger fades, most people cannot grasp the reality of their situation. While you may begin to acknowledge what has happened and feel grief, you may also hold the notion you can somehow change the circumstances that led to your loss. This leads to bargaining. You may say you'll give up bad habits in exchange for a positive outcome or donate money if everything can go back to normal. For example, someone in the bargaining stage might say, "God, I will never get angry at my children again if only you make little Bobby well."

Depression

• Once you reach the depression stage, you've finally accepted the finality of your loss. In this stage you recognize that the situation is not going to change, no matter how much you try to deny or bargain your way out. This leads a depression that manifests as apathy and hopelessness.

Acceptance

• Acceptance is the final stage you reach once you're able to confront the reality of your situation without becoming depressed. While you may still feel sad from time to time about what has happened, you're able to cope with it and take the necessary steps to recover.